Just Enough

A month ago, I received a very daunting bag of goo and some instructions.  A coworker of my husband's had sent home the Amish Friendship Bread starter.  I haven't had any in such a long time that I readily agreed to take the starter.

Basic info:  you add stuff to the goo on day six.  On day ten, you add more stuff, split the goo, add more goodies, bake, keep one of the new starters, and give the other three away with the instructions.  The smell of cinnamon fills the house as it bakes. 

I am now on my third round of baking.  Once you have given one away, that person now has his/her own Friendship Bread starter (and three more of his/her own to give away).   So, you have to find new people who want them.   Each time, I have wondered how I am going to find three new people to give the starter.

And each time, all three end up with new homes.

On the last round, I gave a starter to a dear friend at work.  Yesterday, we were discussing that it was almost time to bake and he said he wasn't sure if he had everything he needed.  I told him not to buy a lot of extras, I thought I had plenty. I knew I this was true of the baking soda, baking powder, and pudding needed for the bread.   I thought I also had enough flour to share, since he was only one cup short.

In order to have enough flour to make the new starters and the bread, you need three and a half cups of flour.  When I measured the amount of flour I had left last night, I had four and a half cups.

One cup extra.  Just enough.

To add to that, when I went to use the sugar from the canister, I had three cups of sugar left.   And what do you know?  You need three cups to make the new starters and bread.

Just enough.  

Cautiously Optimistic

I have mentioned before that I try to be an optimistic person.  I know there is much suffering in the world, some of it in my own family in Kenya.  I know I have been blessed.  

It's part of what makes my current assignment at The Company difficult to digest on some days.  I know it's your lifeline.  I get that.  It is important, however, to keep everything in perspective.

So, in an effort to get back to what I love (working directly with reps at The Company), I applied to work with the newest members of The Company's family (the new hires).

Internal candidate form completed. Resume updated. Impressive cover letter written. All submitted before the deadline.

And then the call.

I got a call last night telling me I would have an interview TODAY, as in less than 24 hours later.   Providing the silver lining is @bluebelleinbg, who keeps me centered in the craziness.   The bright side provided? Less time to stress.

So true.

I woke up, donned the suit, and planned to get to work early to pull data I needed, easing into my day.   Got Z up and dressed and on the way out the door, when I saw my first roadblock to an easy day.   The flat tire.

But, still a silver lining: I had a four hour drive between home and college and was taught before my first day of school how to change a tire.  Additionally, the tire was flat at home instead of out on the road with my toddler.    

So, off came the suit, on came the grubby clothes.  Hubs woke up and provided muscle and 12 minutes later, the tire was changed.   With the promise of a new tire by afternoon, I left my car in his capable hands, donned the suit (again), packed up the boy, and was on my way.

The interview went okay, I think.  I tend to be very critical of myself, and it is easier to think of all of the things I should have said instead of what I said well.

I remain cautiously optimistic.  I hope my qualifications and passion can outweigh my mediocre interview.  I would LOVE to have one of the two positions.  My caution doesn't outweigh my desire to be successful, it is just insulation to ensure that I can continue to be successful in the face of challenges.

And so, I wait for news.   We'll see how it goes.  Either way, I am prepared for the answer.

And waiting for the silver lining.

  

Ends and Beginnings

I cannot believe how quickly 2010 passed.  Regardless of how I would like for time to stand still, it inevitably continues to speed by with no hint of slowing.  To know where I am going for 2011, I have to look back on where I have been through last year.

Last year, I found myself wanting more.  Not more stuff, I have plenty of that.  I wanted more to my life.  More joy, more belonging, more of that seemingly undefinable feeling that makes a person sigh with contentment.

And so, I set out to find more.

The first thing I wanted more of was life, which required me to actually work on having less.  Less food, less excuses, less resting on my previous failures.  This didn't come at the start of the year.  I didn't really decide to have more of life until I had the first conversation with Dr. B on July 31st.   The goal was set (lose 50 pounds by the end of the year) and the (meal) plan was put in place.

Results?  42 pounds gone.  Was it 50?  Nope.  But that wasn't important. What is  important is that I lost the excuses and the defeat and instead of  "I didn't meet my goal. I give up" (my previous M.O.), my thought was "I ROCK!!  I lost 42 pounds!!"

And now I have more.  More confidence.  More support.  And more room in my jeans (I really need to go shopping).

I also have more joy in playing with my son.  I don't get tired as easily, which means more time to play together.   So much more.

I also went for more belonging in 2010.  I had grown tired of feeling out of place, so we found a new church in 2010.  And the happiness and comfort in this decision carries us into 2011.   Each time we enter the church, someone new greets us warmly.  It is as if we have been part of St. Paul's all our lives.  Just today, I was told how lucky we were to have found a church family like this.  I find it more God's intervention than luck, but I knew what she meant.

And so, I say goodbye to 2010.  But I am not saying goodbye to the lessons learned and the more that I gained.

In 2011, I am holding on to more life, more joy, and more us.  My life is full, beautiful, blessed.  I enter 2011 with hope and excitement.  I am in a position to enjoy more of life by working my weight loss plan.  My goal this year is to lose 100 pounds.  It's daunting, yes.  But it is also completely within my control to do it.

And I WILL do it.

Lucky

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend.
Lucky to have been where I have been.
Lucky to be coming home again.
Lucky we're in love in every way. 
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed.

 Ten years ago today, I married my perfect match.

I will be the very first to tell you that I am only mediocre at the romantics.  Flowers are nice every once in a while; however, love manifests for me in so many other forms:

Standing at the altar, promising to love and to cherish.

Honoring that promise during that first rocky year.

Promising we were in it together when our infertility was finally diagnosed as "my" problem.

Rejoicing with me four years later when we learned we were pregnant.

Holding me up when my heart was collapsing due to the loss of our first son.

Loving me through my fear when we learned our second child was on the way.

Making me proud when he took his oath of citizenship.

Crying with joy when we heard and saw Z's heartbeat for the first time.

Attending EVERY doctor's appointment with me.

Worrying about me to himself but only showing me strength.

Crying right along with me as our son cried his way into the world.

Rejoicing with me in our ups.

Standing firmly with me in our downs.

In the end, there is one resounding force behind it all: love.

Cliche as it might sound, I have been blessed to find the love of a lifetime.  I know how lucky I am to have been gifted with this time with my husband, and I take not even one second for granted.

The last ten years have been the best of my life.  My husband and I have grown over the years.  We have grown wiser.  Grown separately as people.  Grown as parents.  And most importantly, we have grown together.

So today, I rejoice in the day we went from him and me to us.  I am looking forward to every other second we are granted together.

I cannot wait to see what each one brings us.

This Christmas

Each year, one of the houses on my way home from work becomes a veritable smorgasboard of Christmas light merriment.  There are Santas, bears, Nativity scenes, a dragon, a ship...and more.  And all of this is set to music.  Pull up in front of the house and roll down the window and Christmas Carols fill the air.

Every year before this one, I couldn't believe that someone would put all of this in one yard.  Don't get me wrong, it's still a lot more decoration than I would choose for my yard.  But it's not my yard.

I will be quite honest.  When I first planned this post, it had a different feel to it.  It was still my Scrooge-y thinking.  I started out thinking that there was no reason for a person to have that much stuff.

As the days of Advent passed and our family was drawn more and more into the anticipation and true feeling around the season, I really began to see why people love this time of year.   The fun, the wonderment, the all-around good feelings that seem to be sizzling in the air around us all.   There is so much to be learned and gained from this time of year.  I watched the pure child excitement from my son and have been completely caught up in it with him.

And that includes the lights.  I have begun to look at them in a different light.  Yes, there might be more than I would put in my yard.  But, what if the people who live in the house are simply trying to share the joy they feel during the Christmas season with others?  The display has grown over the years, and I would like to think it is because the joy of the season has grown in the hearts of those who own the house.

This Christmas has been about renewed hope, new traditions, and a new outlook on many of the aspects of our family life.

And while Christmas is still not my favorite holiday (St. Patrick's Day still winning top honors), it is certainly mow running a close second.

Birthday Blessings

I have decided that we all approach our birthdays in different ways.  First, there is trepidation.  We worry about getting older. We fret about all the things we wanted to do and didn't.    Next, there is ambivalence.  It is simply another day in life.  Nothing more, nothing less.

And then, there are those who look on their birthday with joy.  Joy for having been given another year to live life, be with family, share with friends. That's not to say there is only one choice. Every birthday is different.

Today, on my birthday, there is joy.  I am well and truly blessed. I also started the day with tears.  The good kind.

The morning started off with my wonderful husband bringing me these beautiful roses:

You have to understand the type of relationship we have to understand how sweet this is.   I will be the first to tell you that I am not primarily a romantic person.  My husband is a fantastic mate, partner, husband, father, etc.  He does so very much for me to help me be a better person.  So, when flowers show up, they are even more special because they are not the most common way we express love.

And I would have it no other way.

He also brought me what has to be the sweetest card EVER.  For a man who can be silent, he does a phenomenal job at finding what he wants to say in the middle of a Hallmark card.

After work, I thought I'd go have a birthday dinner with myself.  A little time alone to celebrate me. That idea lasted for about five minutes.

Birthdays are about love and togetherness for me.  So, hubs had to work. So what?  Ziggy was still at home. And while he might not fully understand the "specialness" of birthdays.  I do, and I wanted to spend it with him. Instead of a steak and veggies and free birthday cheesecake, I had Sloppy Joe's made with my son.  One of the best birthday dinners to date.

The day started with tears. The day ends with them as well. Both times, good tears.  My day has been one of joy. Thankfulness for another year of life.  Appreciation for more love than I ever could have imagined.

And anticipation for what the next year (if I am again so blessed to have it) will bring.

Lessons and Carols

When it comes to Christmas carols, I am a traditionalist.  I love Bing and Nat.  I enjoy the simple melodies of Oh Come, All Ye Faithful and O Come, O Come Emmanuel. 

For the last couple of weeks, I have seen the Lessons and Carols in the announcements.  For once, I actually didn't research it (I know, right?).  I don't think I actually made a final decision about going until after service this morning.  Mrs. Jo  is a wonderful, wonderful lady at St. Paul's to whom Z has taken a liking.  She is so very sweet and asked if we were going to be there later.

That's all it took.

Z then asked me over and over again if we were going.  Who was I to say no?  Stipulation:  must have a nap.  It's been a while since he has gone to sleep that fast.

I know that society tries to teach us that life is all about excelling, standing out, and that bigger is better.

That is SO not my way of life.  I like simple. I like pure beauty.  I find beauty in all of life, not just what society tells me what is beautiful. I find it in nature, in watching a child learn something new, in an elderly couple with stars still in their eyes.

The service tonight was the epitome of beauty.  The Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols is comprised of nine Biblical selections about man's fall, the promised Messiah, and Christ's birth all interwoven with musical selections.  These musical selections are sang by the choir, children's choir, and/or the congregation.

There is little in life that matches the beauty found in the sound of a few hundred voices lifted in song together to rejoice in His coming.

Traditional. Simple.  Beautiful.