Breakthrough

photo via efhcenter.com

"My breakthrough came when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and took responsibility for every part of my life.  No more pity parties. I've gotta love me more than anybody else loves me."

~Mary J Blige

In July 2010, I made the decision to take control of my life.  I was tired of being sick, tired, and generally exhausted.

A year later, I wrote this post about my progress to that point.   I was feeling pretty good about where I was at that time.  Full of hope and plans to move forward.

At the end of that year, I turned 33.  The hubs and I had been working for two years to be able to get ready for our IVF attempts.  82 pounds down, and I knew time was not on our side.

So, we took that leap and learned what we did.  And hope failed me.

I took a break.  I took a break from my blog, knowing that I needed to learn to deal with my own realities in private before I could begin to put things on "paper."  I took a break from reading and reviewing.  I took a break from nearly everything except going through the motions to get through the day.

I had my introspection (heck, I'm still having it), and I realized I had two choices:  continue to wallow or accept life as it is and move forward.

I may be sarcastic and cynical at times, but at heart I'm an optimist.  I know that things will get better.  There might be more hills and valleys before it does (and there have been), but I trust God to get me through those things that I cannot even begin to process.

Part of moving forward for me means getting back on track.  In the nearly two years that have passed, I have lost two more pounds.  The idea exists that if you go a year without gaining weight back, then you've been successful.  Since I actually lost more weight, I'm counting that as success.

I decided to stop my excuses and, taking Mary's suggestion, to take responsibility for every part of my life.  The first two?  Exercising and eating.

1.  "My knee hurts too much, so I can't exercise like I want to."

Whatever.  While I did enjoy running, the reality remains that ANY kind of exercise is work to me. Add to this that while I really don't have some of the common side effects of obesity (Thankfully, I have somehow managed to avoid high blood pressure, diabetes, or high cholesterol), the orthopaedic concerns were fully driven by my weight.  My knee issues are partly hereditary   However, my healthy weight mother has managed to hold off the knee surgeries at age 50+. Me?  The first one came at age 29.  Had I addressed my weight sooner, maybe I would have been able to hold off the corrections for longer.  Even if I couldn't run/walk/cardio load my bottom half, the fact still remained that I have arms and a midsection that needed work.   Getting some of that weight off might have helped me to ease the load on my knees.  My responsibility...my fault.


So, six weeks ago, I got rid of the excuse.  I decided to have my right knee corrected the same way I had my left one done five years ago.   While it's healing, I am working on my arms with dumbbells and working on my midsection.  I'm following my physical therapy like clockwork, ensuring the knee will be able to take the workload I'm throwing at it come June when we take a family trip to Disney.


The result? I have managed to get stronger than expected faster than anticipated.  Walking in Disney?  Piece of cake.

2. "I don't have time to cook, so I have to grab what I can." 

Again, whatever.  I was doing what was easy, not what was good for me. It was easy to blame work, child, or life schedule on an inability to plan for what I needed to be eating,  In truth?  I was choosing to not plan.

It just so happened that a couple of weeks before my surgery, I was introduced to a wonderful woman who had lost a great deal of weight on Medifast (over 100 pounds since August last year, to be exact).  An unexpected financial offering allowed me to be able to make the investment. That wonderful woman is now my Health Coach, helping me on this journey.  With Medifast, I only have to worry about one meal a day.  The other five are Medifast provided.   So, the food excuse?  Gone. I check menus if I'm going to eat out, so I know where and what I can eat.  And thanks to the tutelage of Tom and Rachel when I first started this journey, I have been able to make many recipes that I love Medifast friendly.  It ensures that I don't get bored with the meal I'm making for myself.

On Friday March 8, I officially hit 100 pounds lost.  And not just close to 100 pounds:  I was EXACTLY 100 pounds smaller, to the 1/10 of a pound.  There is something so completely empowering in taking back control of my life and my health.

I'm not going to say that I don't find myself trying to make excuses again.  It's a habit that was long cultivated, and it's a habit that will take a long time to break.

But that hope?  It's there. With each step that I take, I'm getting stronger and stronger.  I know that it's completely in MY hands to change.

My Responsibility.

No More Pity Parties.

Love For Me, By Me.


My Breakthrough.