Halfway

Over the weekend, I gave in to my curiosity and stepped on my bathroom scale.  I have tried to wait two weeks between weigh-ins, simply due to the time factor.   I have been focusing on watching what I eat and trying to walk as much on breaks as possible.

It has apparently paid off.  I weighed at home this weekend and again this morning (for the "official" weigh in).  And in both cases, I am down 25 pounds!!

This did, of course, lead to a celebratory break in the meal plan.  I didn't go crazy.  I didn't eat an entire week's worth of carbs in one meal (which is possible, in case you were wondering).  I didn't overload on cheesecake, eggrolls, chicken and broccoli with white rice, or anything of the like.


Instead, I took the limited (?) time opportunity to partake in one of my favorite fast food items...the McRib.   I worked at the Big M in high school during McRib's last national run, and I am no stranger to this paragon of yumminess.  Touted as a boneless rib patty, anyone who eats it is not fooled.  It really is chopped, pressed, and formed pork.  And for anyone who loves it, we don't care.    After cooking on the grill, it is then soaked in sweet barbecue sauce, nestled on a bun with pickles and onions.  Having never been a fan of the sliced onions (oddly enough, I have always preferred the reconstituted onions reserved for their regular burgers), I order it with no onions, extra pickles.  

As a tip for the other McRib lovers, I would like to point out that its last nationwide run was 16 years ago (when I was cooking them) and it is only around for four weeks.  So, eat up!!

I, however, enjoyed my McRib and am back on track.  It was a nice treat, but its purpose was to serve as an incentive not a roadblock.   It was meant to break up the monotony that sometimes finds its way into the day in and day out eating on the meal plan.  

Today, I am back on the meal plan.  I am now looking to the next stop on the journey, 50 pounds gone.  Sadly, I will have to figure out a new treat for the 50 pound mark.

I wonder where I can get a really good slice of turtle cheesecake...

Ready to Run

Since we were on the horse trail yesterday, weigh-in day was delayed until today.  I had initially planned on waiting a week, but I have learned that accountability is everything for me and knew that skipping one week would only lead to skipping another, then another, then getting off track.  And so regardless of if I wanted to or not, I hauled myself to Dr. B's office to face the scale.

From a food perspective, I didn't really feel like I had been doing very well.  I purchased dinner for my team as a celebration for their hard work last month.  To fit into my budget for eleven people, pizza was the go-to option.  Sadly, most pizza restaurants do not have salads available.  The one chosen was not an exception to that.  So, I tried to stick with a veggie pizza on thin crust.   I didn't feel great about the choice, but I thought it was the best I could do at the time.  In truth, I haven't stuck solidly to the meal plan on other days either.

To try and balance that, I did start working out more days.  My workout is simple:  before my dinner break each night, I make five trips around the inside of my building (the equivalent of one mile).  Lately, I have developed this itching desire to jog.  I can only jog for small bursts of time, but it is enough to both boost my ego and loosen up the muscles in my legs. Loosening up the muscles means I can both exercise longer and that my legs feel better when I am done.

I never imagined being the kind of person who would like to jog/run.  However, I can feel my body wanting to move faster.  Walking isn't cutting it.  I long to be able to cut loose and go all out.  I am fairly confident that wouldn't go over very well with The Company.  On the rare occasion that someone does run through our call center, it usually doesn't indicate anything good.  Not to mention the fact that my walking path is among the desks, and while walking doesn't garner much notice, jogging certainly would.

So I feel restricted, restrained.  I feel like I am being held back, no matter how much I want to break free.  When I am walking in the building, I feel a sense of accomplishment tinged with a longing for something more.  Me, who just seven weeks ago thought there was no way I could do it, is now ready to run.

For the time being, I am dealing with the desire and lack of outlet.  I take the opportunity on days when I am not working to get my son outside and jog with him.  At nearly four and possessing nearly boundless energy, he makes for a great jogging buddy.

And with my weigh-in today, I finally got my new number.  I am still not in a confident enough place to share that number, but I am getting there.  After a rocky week, I went to the scale not because I wanted to go, but because I had to go.

And I (figuratively) ran away, feeling more free than I have in a very long time.

Little By Little

Weigh-in day.  

I know I am supposed to consider every little bit a triumph.  I would be lying to myself if I said that I don't go in with higher expectations than I probably should.  This has always been my downfall.  I go in with high expectations, and when those expectations don't come to fruition, I give up.  

I tell my reps all the time that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results.  Time to bring a little sanity back to this process.  

The reality is that I DID lose weight this week.  That needs to be the focus.  Dr. B has told me (over and over again) that as long as I'm losing, then I am on track.  It is difficult to convince myself of that when I expect so much more.  If I am going to do something, I want to excel.  

Losing = excellence.  Losing = excellence.  Losing = excellence.

So, little by little I am winning this battle.   I am not necessarily losing the weight in leaps and bounds but hopefully doing it slowly will both create change in my life and ensure that it stays off this time.  

In For a Penny...

...in for a pound.  Or 1.8 in this case.

I didn't do too bad this past week, but I also did not hold solidly to the meal plan.  We were out and about a lot this past week and weekend.  Sadly, there are not a lot of places that support my specific dietary needs.  I can adapt most anything, but eating out is still one of my largest challenges. Dr. B recommends carrying my own fish with me...um, no.

While Mondays are normally weigh-in days, the holiday delayed it until today.  I have to be honest, weigh-in days freak me out.  I moved them to Mondays so that I would be mindful of what I eat on the weekends.  This small behavior modification has worked out well, as does knowing that a call from Dr. B would not be far behind if I slip.

More importantly, I WANT to do this.  I am ready to be physically different.  I know that the emotional and mental me will still be in place.  And since I like her, I am okay with that.  I am not in this to find some path to enlightenment.  I am in this to find a healthier me.

I am really hoping that by next week I get to change the first number in my weight.  I am only 3.2 pounds away from doing it.  While I am okay with sharing this journey, I  am still not comfortable sharing the actual overall number.   Someday...maybe.

And so, I begin the week feeling pretty optimistic.  As Dr. B reminds me, I didn't gain it in a day, I am not going to lose it in a day.  I repeat that mantra often to stave off discouragement.   Having a supportive from of friends and family does the same. Thank you to all who are on this journey with me.  I wish I could tell you enough how much your "atta-girls" mean.