Ready to Run

Since we were on the horse trail yesterday, weigh-in day was delayed until today.  I had initially planned on waiting a week, but I have learned that accountability is everything for me and knew that skipping one week would only lead to skipping another, then another, then getting off track.  And so regardless of if I wanted to or not, I hauled myself to Dr. B's office to face the scale.

From a food perspective, I didn't really feel like I had been doing very well.  I purchased dinner for my team as a celebration for their hard work last month.  To fit into my budget for eleven people, pizza was the go-to option.  Sadly, most pizza restaurants do not have salads available.  The one chosen was not an exception to that.  So, I tried to stick with a veggie pizza on thin crust.   I didn't feel great about the choice, but I thought it was the best I could do at the time.  In truth, I haven't stuck solidly to the meal plan on other days either.

To try and balance that, I did start working out more days.  My workout is simple:  before my dinner break each night, I make five trips around the inside of my building (the equivalent of one mile).  Lately, I have developed this itching desire to jog.  I can only jog for small bursts of time, but it is enough to both boost my ego and loosen up the muscles in my legs. Loosening up the muscles means I can both exercise longer and that my legs feel better when I am done.

I never imagined being the kind of person who would like to jog/run.  However, I can feel my body wanting to move faster.  Walking isn't cutting it.  I long to be able to cut loose and go all out.  I am fairly confident that wouldn't go over very well with The Company.  On the rare occasion that someone does run through our call center, it usually doesn't indicate anything good.  Not to mention the fact that my walking path is among the desks, and while walking doesn't garner much notice, jogging certainly would.

So I feel restricted, restrained.  I feel like I am being held back, no matter how much I want to break free.  When I am walking in the building, I feel a sense of accomplishment tinged with a longing for something more.  Me, who just seven weeks ago thought there was no way I could do it, is now ready to run.

For the time being, I am dealing with the desire and lack of outlet.  I take the opportunity on days when I am not working to get my son outside and jog with him.  At nearly four and possessing nearly boundless energy, he makes for a great jogging buddy.

And with my weigh-in today, I finally got my new number.  I am still not in a confident enough place to share that number, but I am getting there.  After a rocky week, I went to the scale not because I wanted to go, but because I had to go.

And I (figuratively) ran away, feeling more free than I have in a very long time.