Don't Speak

I am currently at war.

Every so often, the opposition gets the upper hand.

At the last moment, the champion rallies and is able to push back the onslaught.

So far, there have been no casualties.  No blood has been shed, no collateral damage.

Because this war is contained.  It has not spread, it has not become a plague upon the Earth.

It's a war of words.

And it's a war against myself.

I have always been the nice one.  I generally go along to get along and choose to pick my battles.  Since I don't normally get irritated, those battles are few and far between.

The reality of it is that I spend 80% of my time filtering what I say.  The other 20%, I am speaking to my mother or sharing text messages with bluebelleinbg. Even then, I consider how what I say/text will be taken and sometimes even filter that (because I refuse to hurt those I love).  I would love to say that I don't filter what I write here, but that would be untrue.  I find often myself typing, reading, erasing, and retyping what I am thinking.

This ongoing battle recently came to light when I saw posts from "friends" on Facebook.  I read through Christians spouting hate for what they either don't understand or simply feel they are "above."  I see comments asking for funds to support "causes" that I find completely ridiculous.  My hands itch to type...to respond...to spout my opinion in unlimited characters.

Every time, I either stop or type and then erase.

As I think on it, I realize I have always been this way.  I'm not sure if it is just my nature to work to keep the peace or if I have adapted myself to be that way.  As a leader at The Company, I absolutely CANNOT say what I am always thinking.   To do so would not only be career suicide but could very well end my employment at the same time.  For obvious reasons, I don't post The Company related comments on ANY social media outlet.

I would love to say that this has led to some grand epiphany, which will now lead to the floodgates of my thoughts/feelings/opinions being opened.

Yeah...not so much.

At the end of the day, I am still me.  I am still going to consider the feelings of others before I spout off.

And I am still going to laugh at those whom I love who throw caution to the wind and type/say exactly what they think.

And hope that each of you is aware of how thankful I am that you give my thoughts freedom, even when I don't.