Left Field

photo from iacmusic.com

I pride myself on my planning skills.  My OCD is very satisfied with lists, planning, scheduling, and completion.  Checking items off lists is the highlight of my day.  There are many things I can be called, spontaneous is not one of them.

In the last year, I have really tried to focus on my prayer life and on letting go of some of that control.   My goal in life is to put His goals first, allowing God to show me direction and guide me to be the best wife, mother, and person I can be.  For someone as controlled as I am, this is my continued struggle.

However, the past year has been a series of eye-opening lessons for me.  I watched my Pop succumb to the most evil disease on the planet.  Through it, I prayed.  I prayed for peace for my mother, my son, my family, myself. I prayed for comfort for him and delivery from the cancer that robbed him of who he was.   He knew that I wanted to go back to school to make some life changes, and he pushed me to do that.  When the first path back to school ended in a closed door due to schedule flexibility, I simply prayed.  I prayed that if that was my new path, then I prayed that another door would be opened.   And it was.

I learned that I had missed the application date for the program I wanted, but that was okay.  I had been out of school so long that I had to take some prerequisite classes anyway before I could apply, and that has worked out well.    I passed my placement test with no worries, and I am currently taking the last required class before I apply.   I had a plan, going according to plan, to start the program in January 2015.   This would give me enough time to have the gastric sleeve surgery that was planned, heal from the surgery, and get started on the program.

Best laid plans of Mice and Men and all that...

Because now the plans have to change again, but for the best possible reason.

When I wrote this post about a year and a half ago, I expected that to be my reality.  Part of the reason for working on my prayer life was to be able to reconcile the idea that Z would be an only child.  A few months after that was written, I decided to pass along Z's baby clothes to a friend who was having twin boys.  I passed my maternity clothes to Goodwill, so I could move forward and focus on my family as it was.  The trip to Disney that was going to be delayed for a few more years was taken (and will be taken again).  I settled into my reality.

And now:  this is my new reality ---------------------->

Needless to say, my first reaction was shock.  Most everyone's has been.

My mom has had the BEST reaction so far:  pure joy.  Her faith and trust and strength have always been an inspiration for me, and this time it's no different.

So far, most of this pregnancy has gone okay.  I definitely don't remember being quite this sick with my son, but I will take every ache, pain, and bit of nausea and ickiness for opportunity.  I know I'm VERY blessed to have another child.  I don't, however, think that negates my right to complain a little (or a lot) about how I'm feeling.   Having endured 13 and a half years of infertility treatment and testing, I think I've earned a little whining about not being able to eat...ANYTHING.

Right now, everything is going well.  I still plan on going to school, just a year later than expected.  Since our children will celebrate their birthdays very close together (possible within a day of each other, since I will have a scheduled c-section), I'm not comfortable heading to a full time program with a new baby.

The plan is to continue what I've been doing:  pray for the best, follow HIS plan and not mine, and work through each moment, step by step.

Clean Eating

photo mine

For the last six months, I've really been focused on changing the way my family eats.  It started with working to remove any item with high fructose corn syrup.  I also began reducing the number of overly processed items in our home.  When some other family health issues arose, I made some other major changes.  Much more fresh foods, more green leafy vegetables, fewer chemicals.  

Add in the removal of soda from my diet and a move to one cup of coffee per day, with more water thrown in for balance, and I've really been working at the way I eat.  That makes this next step a little easier.

Part of the process for surgery approval requires meeting with a nutritionist to work through current eating habits and changes that have to happen prior to surgery.   Heather, the nutritionist, is a very nice vegetarian with genuine concern for the patients she serves.  You can tell that our best interests are at the forefront of what she does.

photo mine

The meal plan she assigned was very similar to my meal plan with Dr. B. There is one LARGE change.  With Dr. B, I was able to have a solid, warm breakfast.  With Heather, I get this: 

One cold, chunky strawberry protein shake (which is actually not that bad) and 1/4 cup of almonds (not pictured).   I tried vanilla first, but since I'm a snob about the taste of vanilla and refuse to drink or ingest any kind of imitation vanilla flavor, it didn't work out so well. 

Since I've gotten used to being able to eat a warm breakfast to start my day, this has taken a bit of adjustment.   It was also a challenge when we were travelling this week in trying to both deal with my family getting real breakfast (mmm, gravy and biscuits) and trying to find milk (note to self:  find non-dairy milk, no matter where you are. There was a real reason I gave up dairy).  

Another rule is the 30/30:  no drinking 30 minutes before and until 30 minutes after a meal.  Which means no drinking during the meal.  This is rather problematic for me, since I tend to get the hiccups if I don't drink anything.  I am now the last member of my family to finish eating, since I have to stop after each bite to make sure I don't choke.  There are still some items that have me clock watching after I eat them.  

Last big one is P&P:  with each meal, I can have meat, veggies, and a complex carb (there's a list).  I have to eat the P&P (protein and produce) first to ensure the pressure receptors around my stomach get triggered, then I can finish with the carb if there's space.  A lot of times, I'm finding I'm not able to finish eating all of the allotted carb because I'm too full.  

photo; my camera, taken by an obliging stranger

Thankfully, through all of this, I have a really great support system.   My family and friends understand my dietary limitations and exercise needs.  During our trip, we went to restaurants with menu items that fit what I needed.  They helped me meet my 5000 step per day minimum goal (even trekking up the hill of our resort when I was short after a day of driving).  And they even trudged through the cold rain to become the most colorful bunch of awesome ever to finish the Happiest 5K on Earth.

I've been mostly successful with the plan (minus a snafu with the understanding of milk needs in my house).  It will help me to create the habits that are critical to develop now, as they will carry over into post-surgery necessity.  It will also help me meet the pre-surgery weight loss goal set for me by the surgeon.

**Disclaimer: this is informational only and not to be used as a substitute for medical advice.   Talk to YOUR doctors about the best option for you.  Find a nutritionist who'll create the best plan for you: with or without surgery.  

Steps

photo from greatbigcanvas.com

I am nothing if not meticulous.  I rarely act spontaneously, which can be a blessing and a curse.  In this case, I'm counting it as a blessing.    I like to research.  So, with our decision to move forward with bariatric surgery, I went searching for information.

The bariatric center here does three types of bariatric surgery:  gastric band, gastric sleeve, or roux-en-gastric bypass.  They are a bariatric center of excellence, which is very impressive since Vanderbilt was previously the only hospital to hold that distinction.  Step one is to attend a seminar and fill out a mountain of paperwork.  During the seminar, you get information on all three procedures and are left with making that decision.

So, me being me, I went in search of I found tons of info: medical journals, patient blogs, good experiences, bad experiences, and tons of YouTube videos.    I did this while waiting for step two, which was for my doctor to write a letter supporting my decision to look into surgery.

I have to preface that I'm not grossed out by much. Actually, I find the tool used that cuts and staples the stomach at the same time rather fascinating.  I've watched surgery videos, looked at complications, and weighed the pros and cons of each option.  I've also watched a large number of food documentaries (understanding that you have to take some of those with a grain of salt).

On Thursday of last week, I met with steps three and four: nutrition and surgeon. I'll talk about each of those in turn in other posts.   As an aside:  all of the steps must be completed before insurance approval can be submitted.

For anyone looking at surgery as the "miracle" cure to obesity, I'll be the first to tell you it's not.  For me, I feel like I HAVE changed the way that I look at food.  I don't stress eat, eat out of boredom, and save one REALLY bad experiment, I've not eaten anything fried since last year.  I had one soda on Fat Tuesday in preparation for Lent, and that was the first soda I'd had since mid-January.  My plan is not to go back to them, even once Lent ends.

Yet, even with cleaning up my eating, focusing on getting moving, and getting my habits in check, I've experienced little in the way of true weight loss.  This brings me to my current plan of surgery exploration.  I supposed that's my why:  I don't feel like there is another option.  The weight comes off slowly, if at all, and once I try to go back to any kind of normal eating, some of it comes back.  It's a one step forward, two steps back process.  In order to protect my long term health, I've decided to take one really large step forward.



***Disclaimer:  again, this is my journey with my doctors.  This is informational only, not intended to be a substitute for seeking your own medical assistance.

Cutting the Fat

As I look back on what I've written, I continue to see a recurring theme:  weight.  Or more specifically for me, weight loss.  No matter the attempts made, the struggles seem to be never ceasing.  I feel like I've been dieting for the majority of my life.  And in reality, I have.

The issue for me isn't how unhealthy I am now.  While I am classified as morbidly obese with a BMI of just over 44, I have no co-morbidities.  My total cholesterol (as of last week) was 161, blood pressure was 100/60, and all my other levels were within normal range.  With the exception of the orthopedic issues I have, I don't fall into the normal problems most obese people have.  At least, I don't right now.

The question lately has been:  how long will that last?  I am, ummm, slightly over 30, and I do suffer from PCOS.  Without proper weight management, PCOS can lead to Type 2 Diabetes and Heart Disease: the number one killer of women.   Time to manage the weight, before it manages me.

It just so happened that a friend of mine mentioned he was getting ready to have gastric sleeve surgery.  I know others who've made the same decision, so I went seeking more information.

Our local hospital, a bariatric surgery center of excellence, has seminars several times a month for potential patients to learn the plus and minuses of the different surgery options.  Hubs and I attended the seminar, and after some debate, have decided together to move forward with reviewing the options.

I have thought a couple of times about if I wanted to share this or not.  I'm sure I'm going to get lots of "why's" and "well, can't you just DIET's."  I have also decided I'm not going to answer those questions.  I might get around to the "why" part of it, just as I detail the journey.

This is my family's journey.  I can't make a decision for anyone else, and I don't at ALL claim to be a healthcare professional.

We'll see how this turns out.


***Disclaimer:  this is not meant to be a substitute for medical advice from your medical professional.  This is for informational purposes only.  PLEASE make your own decisions, with your own doctors, and with your own needs in mind.