In Limbo

photo via gamerant.com

By nature, I am a planner.  I have a lot of difficulty with watching and waiting.  I have never been one to sit back and see how life turns out.  I prefer to have much more control over my direction than that.

Lately, however, I am working through something that requires my patience.  No matter how much I would like to rush through the planning, create new actions for what isn't going according to plan, and rewrite my agenda, I am being forced to wait and see.  The difficulty for me in this is harder than I anticipated.  At present, being caught in limbo is stifiling. 

Before we started the "project," I knew I would need some kind of stability in the uncertainty that was to come.  It happened to work out timing that my parents had asked us to attend their church.  I will leave the bulk of the discussion of that journey for another time.  Suffice it to say, I have recently found myself floundering. 

With the recent return to worship and the impending process we were undertaking, I did what has always worked in the past.  In addition to clinging to my family and my amazing husband, I turned back to the one source of strength that has sustained me. 

I turned to God. 

I haven't spent much time discussing faith, mainly because I have grown weary of trying to justify why I believe what I do. I love who I love.  I trust who I trust.  I have faith where I have faith.  I worship in the way that brings me peace, hope, and balance. 

And so, I have been praying.  Praying for strength.  Praying for direction.

Praying for patience. 

Through the first part of this journey, I have clung to the promise that I would never go alone.  While I wait for His plan to unfold, I find myself seeking His face in my moments of frustration and weakness.   I strive to accept the fact that, as a control freak, I have absolutely NO control over the outcome.

I think John Waller has said it better than I ever could.  Destinychurchmedia posted the below video on YouTube, aptly reminding me that it all happens in HIS time.  Not mine.

And so, I wait. 

I wait.

I serve. 

I worship.

And I pray.