Cuts Like a Knife

Z has a affinity for H2O.  It is my fervent belief that he is part fish. He must be, as I have never had to fight to get him in the bathtub.  He would be eternally pruney-fingered if I would simply allow him to spend as much time in the water as he wants.

It is this joy of the water that I got to experience with my son, husband, Mom, and Pop this past Sunday.

For the last few years, The Company has sponsored a summer event at Nashville Shores, a water park situated on the shores of Percy Priest Lake.  We get a bargain price on tickets that includes all day fun, food, games, and parking.  We went for the first time last year, and so I knew we were going to go this year as well.

As we went about the park, finding more and more fun, we found ourselves in the Lazy River.  There are currents under the water that keep everyone moving around the space, regardless of how much energy you expend (or how little).

It was during this little venture with my family when I heard it.

The comment.

As I was walked along beside my husband and son, I heard someone say "Look there!  It's the white hippo.  And there's another one!"   The only people of larger size around were me and another woman walking further ahead.

It has been quite some time since I have been subjected to verbal assaults from people in public arenas.  The last time I dealt with them was because of the fact that we were an interracial couple in an small-minded town.  I don't believe that I have heard comments about my weight since before I stood up to my brother as a teenager.

As I looked back, I realized those comments weren't from some immature kid whose parents hadn't taught him better manners.  They were from a 30-something guy whose parents hadn't taught him better manners.

I will be honest, I was taken aback by the fact that someone my age would be so disrespectful to other human beings.  Not to mention that he was so bold as to state this as close to me as he was.  After all, I am fat. Not deaf.

When I look back on how I would have previously handled my emotions in the face of such a hurtful remark, I remember the pain.  Comments about my weight had the power to slice me to ribbons in an instant.  No matter how many times I had worked to feel better about myself, the words could destroy all of that work in an instant.  I buried myself in food to hide the pain those damaging words would inflict.

Now, it's completely different.  I have worked to heal myself, both outside and in.  I have changed how I eat, how I live, and how I feel about myself.   No longer do I need to hide myself away and smother my feelings with food.  No more escape.  No more fear.  I AM strong. I AM beautiful.  And I am NOT a damn hippo.

I also would have previously allowed John Doe to return my blistering gaze with his smirk and cowered under the power of my own inadequacies.

Not this time.   I didn't rail.  I didn't even bat an eye.  I looked back at Mr. Doe and politely stated:

"Oh, look!  It's a jackass in his natural habitat!"

Smirk gone.  Balance restored.  Fat Girl: 1.  Loser: 0.

Cuts like a knife?  Not anymore.